Ghosting as the New Normal
Let’s say one day you go on a date, and during this date, nothing is really clicking for you. What is your responsibility to the other party in this regard? Should you talk to that person and say it just isn’t really clicking, or should you discontinue any conversations and disappear off the map? What about if you get into a disagreement with someone? Can you then simply discontinue contact?
This seems to be a common new phenomena, especially among the younger crowd. However, this should not be what we aspire to in regards to common courtesy! I believe the reason this is happening is simply a lack of teaching children how to conflict resolve. Kids aren’t being forced to have difficult conversations. They fight and walk away. They never learn to resolve their own turmoil, which means a creation of grudges. I truly feel pity for people that never learn these skills, because they are forced to live their lives, never having an easy way to truly “forgive”. After all, it’s much harder to forgive when one never receives an apology. It’s not impossible, but it is much more difficult.
The Reality is…
This isn’t about what man can do. Obviously, we have free will and a person can choose to “ghost” someone as it is called. However, this is bad behavior. It is self damaging behavior as well as a simply passive aggressive way to “punish” another person. It may not be intentional. Have the people that are guilty of this really stopped to think about what consequence this behavior has for the other person? It reminds me of all the many children without fathers, that then wonder throughout their life, “Why doesn’t he want me? What’s wrong with me?”
It’s okay to set boundaries with people. It’s okay to say that someone just isn’t what you are looking for in a relationship. It’s okay to say those things, because everyone is allowed to say, “This behavior is not okay with me. You need to stop.” It’s okay because most of the time, people don’t even recognize that their behavior is a problem. It’s like accidentally stepping on someone’s foot. It wasn’t intentional. It’s okay to say that a person just isn’t what you’re looking for in a relationship because not everyone likes apples. That doesn’t mean there’s anything overtly wrong with apples. It’s a matter of taste.
Instead…
If you just tell a person your beef, you can work that out! Either the other person changes behavior, or they don’t, but at least they now know what you will tolerate. The conversation may be uncomfortable, but the benefits are well worth it! Then you can keep your friend and be sure they aren’t continuing behavior that makes you uncomfortable, or you can find out for absolute certain that a person is not someone you want in your life. But, what if that person is someone that is willing to change behavior, and you just kick them out without knowing? How much good will you lose? How much time can you lose from a good relationship/friendship just because you wouldn’t confront them about a problem?
What about the other person? Don’t they deserve to know that there wasn’t something overtly wrong with them? You don’t have to point out what you didn’t like about them, as that has potential to be rude. But you can tell them that it’s just not a good fit, so they don’t have that nagging question of, “What’s wrong with me?” in the back of their head. I honestly doubt that anyone you’ve been out with is such a bad person that they deserve such a punishment anyway.
Passive aggressiveness is…
Simply a graceless action. It lacks humanity in itself. The behavior is distinctly self-righteous and selfish. It is saying, “You are worthless. Whatever we have/could have had is worthless. You are insignificant to a degree that it is not even worth my time to deal with you a second longer, even so much as to say I won’t deal with you a second longer.” Other forms of passive-aggressiveness are just as egotistical.
Personally, I find it to be incompatible ideology to be that arrogant but also be that immature about enduring something that is slightly uncomfortable for the sake of the “greater good”. People that can handle vaccinations and shots of penicillin, or even strenuous workouts, but still can’t have a simple conversation. It’s downright poignant for a person to act this way!
How imperious do you have to be to assume that everyone should understand what you mean/know what you want, without you ever saying it? As if you are the more important person in the universe, that is such a perfect communicator, that you are just that infallible and obvious. Not to mention, your expectations must never be too high or inappropriate. Relationships of all sorts take work and effort to be good! These same people consistently whine that everyone in the world around them is terrible. Perhaps the common denominator is you.